tHe eLixIr

Fragile

2011-07-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be weak.
Don't want to fall because something hurt me.
Don't want to be another stupid person who loses their all.
Don't want to be this fragile piece of glass.
I want to be happy. Be that person who can make others smile.
Happy. Make them feel complete.
Make them be happy like never before.
I just feel obligated to make everyone smile.
I used to be so strong. No tears, never had to cry.
Even if someone stabbed me, i would be happy and smile.
But now, i feel so weak, i feel like my knees cannot take this anymore.
The world comes crashing down piece by piece and i'm just waiting down there.
Either to be hit or see someone i love fall.
It gets better. I found a person i share all with.
My sadness, my fear, my doubt, my strength, my weaknesses
If only i had joy to share with him.
If only i could make him happy.
If only i could be that person who doesn't break down and cry.
But it never gets easier. It feels like i have to leave

People say goodbye to me all the time.
All the time, maybe it is time i dissapear.
No more tears.
No more sadness.
Soon, the time comes.

People think i'm strong, what an illusion.
Underneath, i feel like a stupid stupid weak person.
The only weight i carry is the weight of my acting.

I love him, want him to be happy
I'll do everything i can before i leave.
I want him safe.
My feelings won't go away.
But if i can see him from far away.
I'll be happy.

Hmmm

2011-06-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

Life has never been kind to me
Life has always been mean to me. But so far i only have been looking at the positive side of life and not looked at it negatively. I worked hard, tried my best to help my family.
But now i have to deal with so much pain that i don't think i can take it anymore. I am my breaking point.
I feel that there are so many people around me to help me , yet i feel all alone. Because the person who i was wanting to know, was there for me or to support me just wasn't there.... No one was. I am crying now, thinking that this is to just leverage my sins in the past. But why must it happen now?
Sometimes i think that i am the one behind all my sins but sometimes i feel if i just died that fateful day, i wouldn't need to life so terribly.Why are the two most important people in my life mean to me?
Is it that simple to be mean to me? I know i'm not so worthied, but neither am i so degrading... I feel sad because they never even took the time to look me in the eye and ask me how i was.

Should i take my leap? or stay there?

But i guess its just me. I am never good enough. Never great enough. Not for anyone. Neither for them both.

I found

2011-05-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

I found the people who understand what it is like to feel the wind on their face, the adrenaline pumping when you just did something majorly stupid, risky and could possibly cost your life but lived by luck to tell the tale :). I found people who made errors before but are learning to cope with it in the best way possible. I found friends who would remain close to my heart for many years to come. I learned how to move on. I found a lot of things this semester. I lost equally a lot; memories, the past, the persons that mattered. Let's hope i don't lose any of it. Sometimes, we can't let go so easily. Or can we? But i guess we need to hold onto things that matter the most. Hold onto that little sunshine :)

Tired

2011-03-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

If only i can feel less lethargic these days..
with the training and all the hell assignments i'm going through while holding up a freaking job.
I think i am gonna go crazy..... i barely have time for myself...
GAHHHHHHHH.... life isn't throwing lemons at me..it's throwing huge durians..... i need a break..... :(
Besides... I feel so emotionally drained nowadays....
Thinking of him? No.... Just when i try to like someone else.. i realise the person is a coward....
So when i can't forget two people....
Different.... similar?? nothing....
I am lagging behind on all assignments. Barely getting through...

God will help me... I trust in him :)
I'll lift myself up to him... I just need a little faith....

Lost again

2011-02-17T03:12:00.000-08:00

Third time in 6 months...
I seriously am giving up.
You think i want to hate you? bad guy?
I don't......... This is getting heavier...
Haiih... I don't want to carry the burden of thinking of you daily. Gives me a heartache and a headache... Leave
Get Lost.....dissapear... i Don't Care!!
If i can get rid of you...... then at least i won't have a headache... :(
Blasted... i Really Really have to stop thinking of you.....

UsEd GooDs :)

2011-02-08T06:05:00.000-08:00

I'm just second hand i suppose .

I appreciate it guys, but i'm quite hurt when i get passed around to substitute a broken heart.

I know i am not perfect.

I'm far from perfect actually, very far truthfully.

Like a bitten cookie :)

Like an eaten gingerbread man :)

But if you do like me, like me for who i am ok? Thank you.

I might not be first rate.. But i'm honest :)

Letting GO

2011-01-24T09:35:00.001-08:00

Well themed :)
This is the original purpose of the blog.... To document me letting go things that were in my past difficult to forget.
I am a difficult person to get pass. I never had a smooth life, but you can hardly see that can you?
My friend's mother once said, "this girl can smile even when the world is crumbling around her" and then on impulse i smiled.
It is only what i do best. But sometimes, i wish i didn't. So i couldn't hide my feelings, so i would be brave to face them.
Are my smiles hollow? No....
I mean each and every one of them genuinely.
But beneath each smile i hide different emotions.
Perhaps sometimes i wished that i wouldn't smile. I would get angry and blow up in the face of anger and all the distress.
But instead i choose to smile. It seems you can war many different things with happiness.
But how do you attain this happiness when its a battle of wits between your facial muscles and what is truly in your heart? haha.... i don't know.
I am always happy aren't i?
Few people have seen me sad.
I guess i feel insecure if i feel sad in front of other people.
i can a billion times i'm sad but i rarely would show it i nfront of you.
I guess i'm just a facial expert extraordinare.....
This time i have a choice.
And i somehow believe that i already know the solution.
I would choose the same thing i've done for years.
To smile again.
:)

ShiiiiitTTTTTTTTTTTTt

2011-01-11T04:29:00.000-08:00

I Think I'm Falling in love <3

ahahaha...... Drastic as it seems, why on earth would i fall in love with horribly funny and out of the picture and out of my mind people??

Everytime i see the his picture i feel like laughing and then my heart jolts?

I don't know... is it love??

We'll let time decide... I can barely study... wakaka :D

New yEaRR :)

2010-12-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

Super New Year.... Super New Resolutions
:) I really have beautiful friends...
So i dedicate this to them all :D
I Love each and every one of you dearly.... You all mean much to me...
And Hopefully we will reach success this beautiful year.... Thank you for being in my life and making it more colourful. I will cherish all our memories. :)
Somehow you have coloured my life one way or another.
And also to my mum
Omma saranghae :) live well in heaven...
watch me reach success. Bless me mummy :D Maybe i can achieve the dream you always wanted me to.

UNIIIIIIIIIIIIII =D

2010-09-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

welcome to MMU =D

hello folks, back in business...been outta words and outta energy lately.

the hectic uni life really driving me nuts. Just finished exams today...Mentally exhausted. Tired...

Well, interesting topic here.

I just drew someone today. haha =D...Generally i don't draw portraits.I only draw cartoons or fairy tale characters. The only time i draw portraits is when i feel really really like a person's face *or the person* LOL...The portraits i draw are also only dark sketches. I think colour ruins the art. Ironically everyone thinks other wise. Nevermind that, i want to talk about the person i drew today.

He's cute =DD

haha.... well... i basically drew him because i liked his face. I usually never *ALMOST* never see a person with such symmetrical features. At first i didn't know him, he was quiet and soft-spoken not really what i would consider ... My kind of person.Usually i mix with people who are so noisy to the point i can't really hear myself. *wonder where i got my attributes from heh? LOL*.So when i first met this person, i didn't really think much of him but i really really liked his face. HAHA.. Not the per fect face sculpted by god or something but it was just very soothing to look at him. I think i can stare for hours end and not get tired of him. Then, we started talking and i realised even though we are poles apart.... We're really not that far away. Maybe its just me but i don't know. When I try so hard to find the differences between us, I only find similarities. Anyway, when it comes to me drawing... you'll only see this once in a blue moon when i have the mood or when i see a face i really like. So, i chose him. A face i could stare for hours.

When i start drawing , i usually don't stop for water breaks, toilet breaks, eating, bathing ,or sleeping. I'll sit there and finish it. Being a so called professionalist- for a very unprofessional artist. I tend to sit there and just stare even when the drawing is done. But as i only draw people i can stare for hours.... i never detested one moment of it. I just had a smirk on my lead covered face. I'm not a wonderful artist...

But i can promise that whatever i drew...its all from the heart.I do hope you like my work though :D...

And yes... i know you are reading this =D

=D

2010-08-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

I have lived a simple life,
Although I've had to strive,
I've never lost sight of what is right,
And even if I lost,
I wouldn't stand and pause,
I wouldn't sit and cry,
I wouldn't plan to die,
I wouldn't think twice,
But I wouldn't feel nice,
I wouldn't be sad,
I wouldn't be depressed,
I wouldn't be shy,
I wouldn't wonder why,
instead,
I would rise up,
I would think tall,
Think high,
Then try.
If I lose it all again,
then again process begins.

*i wished so hard on the star, it burst....nth happen...zzzzzz*

EpiPhany..

2010-07-08T00:38:00.000-07:00

I realise now what finally happened to me. I fell in love. Just like any idiot in love i walk around fantasizing the day he would finally know that i actually like him. I also noticed that it really didn't matter if he liked me back or not. They way i felt about him was almost enough to cover any of the loses.It probably doesn't make sense why on earth i would feel like this about him. He is definitely not my type,has absolutely nothing i look for in a man and sometimes i even feel stupid for falling in love with him when i already know the response.
Perhaps i don't want to know the truth.
If it remains a mystery and i get to stay close to him; its more than i could ask for.
When i think about him i smile, i laugh to the point of tears and my heart feels joy.
Proximity without intimacy would probably be the best description about us. I don't need a man that can fulfill all my wants and needs. I want him, the person that can make me see above my wants and needs and help me gain my true happiness. If only you could see what i see then life would be perfect. But life is not always a bed of roses. It is precise in this context. My life isn't perfect. But whenever i'm with you i don't see the imperfection. I only smile; a picture to the gaiety in my heart.
But i want him to be happy, i may be selfish in wanting him to fall in love me but if his heart tells him otherwise i wouldn't stop him. Loving a person is painful. I finally realised this. I wish i didn't have to feel like this from afar. If circumstances were different then i would tell you how i felt. Owh well, i'll make the best out of this.

When the day comes and i finally have the courage to admit it i'll say those 3 words to you. But for now, i only can declare my feelings in secret.

"I LOVE YOU <3"

=(

2010-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say or do. I just want out. If i really am meant to die soon then i'm fine with it. I don't really care anymore. My heart hurts me and everyone around me hurts me. Then, there is the physical pain. If it could end then so be it. All i feel is pain and i can't show it. I must always fake a smile or people would know because shir ling is always the happy one. Why isn't she smiling today? I don't want to ruin other people's happiness. I'll die in my own sadness. I cry even by writing this. The pain i go through everyday. It gets worse. Never felt so low in my life.

LiFe sucks.

2010-06-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

Been in and out of the hospital recently. Feeling sickly and tired. Gosh.
Doctors can't seem to find out what the problem is with me and stuck a whole lot of tubes down my throat. I was vomiting blood that day so i assume that was the right thing to do. But the pain ; to put it mildly, it was like someone putting a huge snake down your throat and is forcing it down even though it hurts! Uni life has only become more hectic with clubs and stuff starting already. I definitely feel the pressure when i know i have to live up to my brother's CGPA of 4.0... It is like looking up to heaven from hell and saying i'll be there someday. Still having constant fever and jet lag. My friend has been kind enough to look out for me making me feel slightly better. I do hope the doctors find out what is wrong with me soon. I really miss HIM too. Even one day without talking to him feels long and dreary. I feel like one of those psychopathic Korean girls waiting for their oppa to message them. Perhaps i need to shut down on him. Waiting for Friday for Joyce's school concert. I'm guessing it is going to be fun.

p.s : i do hope sometimes you would notice me. i've always have been and always will be here.

My LiFe...

2010-06-19T10:25:00.000-07:00

Been stuck in sukma camp for the past 11 days.... SLeepy, tired and worn out. Got all sorts of lag. Car lag, movie lag, and most importantly mamak lag. Feeling very very lethargic because i'm stuck in all sorts of people's affairs. I didn't mean to get into this. Like a guy i would never get. This is bad. Falling in love is really a bad thing. Haihh.... Hope my life gets better soon. Too tired to type. TaTa.

p-s.... probably stupidity pushed me over this time. but i like someone who is not mine...dei

Why should i love you?

2010-06-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

I thought i was smart enough to avoid losing my heart again. But it's not as easy as it seems i guess. Gosh... I lost it to a cute guy.
He's annoying yet funny.
Smart yet dumb.
Pathetic yet cool.
Macho yet humble.
Different yet nice.
He's very *anything can one la bro* the kind.
He's adorable in his own ways.
Loves to bully me...
Determined yet realistic...
He's odd...Yet i like him.
But first...i need him to notice me =)

Back from Helll........

2010-06-06T08:06:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow beginning of uni life. Must work my ass off *for 2 day only =P*
Everything new. New life, new dreams, New hopes...my lucky ass hoping for the best.
Sukma closing in. Competition on sunday....Jitters? Nah.... Probably a whole family of butterflies living in my stomach. Gosh!!!.... When the pressure of the state lies on your shoulders....It's really sucky!.But gonna try my best. Won only one match today. Tore my finger. Went for dinner. Went to my mum's grave. Typical day....

I'll report after uni tomorrow....

2010-06-04T01:49:00.001-07:00

Okay....I'm back!!!!!!!!!....weeeeeeeeeee...after being idle and rotting for so long. MY blog is back in action. HIYAK~!!@!.. Kinda estatic to be back to my favourite pass time. WRITING. If you're wondering why i ignored my pass time.Well, being stuck at home most of the 6 months i barely had any inspiration to write. PS : my writing only can occur when i'm inspired =). So in these few months fuh-yoh..So many events and things occured which somehow didn't motivate me to write oddly. I love to procrastinate. Perhaps procrastinating is my therefore new and favourite pass time =) Owh well, i'm doing my foundation in law in Multimedia University and my classes are starting on monday. Gosh, i thought i was rotting then BOOM before i know it Uni life is right smack in my face. With the SUKMA games around the corner i really got a lot of juggling to do. HAHAHA...i got lost in MMU. Only i can do that. Absolutely no sense of direction whatsoever. Hopefully i'll find all my classes and lecture halls in time before class begins. =)...Can't wait to study. My excitement will wear out soon though. I'm like a sugar high kid and i'll drop dead as soon as the sugar level falls.PS : Found this guy i absolutely hate and love at the same time. Never knew it could happen to me. My life ain't no korean drama. I live at the boundaries of the harsh reality and the infinite drama life. There is a thin line in between and pretty soon i'll be confused which boundary i'm in =). But by the way he bullies me, i'm sticking to harsh reality for now. But i guess you just can't stop love.Going to go AWOL soon. Will be back soon.

tomorrow is war....

2010-04-06T02:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is war. The title says it all =). When i get back tomorrow i will report here. Currently having stomach butterflies because i'm going for the interview tomorrow. I'm hoping to get the scholarship and will stop at nothing to get it. Going all out tomorrow. It is either do or die. May the best man win. She will =)

AKHIRNYA =)

2010-03-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

WAH..............FINALLY...i got my spm results....
i was super duper nervous actually but i was hoping for the best. I never really studied all my life, all year long, never really bothered too. I don't know if its laziness or just pure hatred of studies. So i used the alternative; i prayed. I prayed hard all night, every night for the past 2 years hoping my prayers would be answered somehow.Frankly i was surprised it did work. I must thank my friends for everything actually. All those late nights i was up trying to squeeze in all sorts of facts into my puny brain while trying to keep myself from snoring. All my thanks would go to all the random people who kept messaging me and annoying me and just talking to me, it really helped keep me awake long enough for some info to be absorbed by my already saturated brain. Just talking about the weather or about some gross foodstuff was enough to keep me awake. I'm so grateful to all those people. Besides my friends, i really owe my A's to my tuition teachers mostly. Mr.Rengga was an amazing tutor and also a great influence. It really would be fulfilling if i could end up living like him one day. My Chemistry teacher, Mr.Lim also helped tremendously in helping me to clinch the A. My Physics teacher, Mr. Teo joked a lot and also gave me much guidance. My Add Maths teacher, Mr Lee was a fantastic father figure and also a very loving teacher. I really feel gratified to have him in my life. Now that i'm beginning a new chapter in my life, i would like to turn the pages of my life's history. But in each page i've written down in my heart what all these people have done for me and i doubt i can ever forget any of them even if i wanted to. Each of them holds a special place in my heart.Before i end my post today i would like to name all my friends, and if i happen to forget the name of the one reading this post, i'm sorry.... i may have forgotten you here but you are still in my mind. My dear friends...Thank you.

1. Yeh Yee *thanks for bringing me back from wonderland when i was snoozing in class*
2. Fifi * thanks for all those late nights and randomness that kept me awake*
3. Lano *thanks for all those crappiness that made me smile*
4. Bongi *thanks for your blurness that made me feel needed *to bring you back to reality that is*
5. MM *thanks for your helpfulness that made me feel lighter*
6. Huay Ing *thanks for your sound words and good advice*
7. Yen Ling *thanks for your scoldings that made me a little quieter*
8. Shih Ping *thanks for your insanity that made me feel sane*
9. Bee2 *thanks for your care and concern and also fantastic cooking*
10. Mao doo *thanks for your happy go lucky-ness that made me feel happy*
11. Mei Ling *thanks for your super super blur look and random words that made me laugh*
12. Xing Yu *thanks for laughing at all my jokes and making me feel funny*
13. Jolyn *thanks for all the nice hugs that made me feel loved*
14. Sue Yin *thanks for just being there with me for all these years*
15. Stephanie *thanks for being a nice laughing partner since primary school*
16. Noelle *thanks for understanding my sarcasm and also laugh at it*
17. Aina * thanks for riding the bus with me so that i don't get lonely*
18. Alicia *thanks for all your lame jokes that kept me awake in chemistry tuition*19. Ken *thanks for being there to share a light moment at random times =)*
20. Alvin *thanks for talking to me when i'm distressed*
21. Adrianna *thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin even when times were rough*
22. Clara *thanks for driving me around even when i live so far*
23. Pravin *thanks for keeping me company as often as possible*
24. Ah Tiam *thanks for giving me good advice and the spirit to move on*
25. Joyna *thanks for being a good friend and a great chatting companion*
26. Joyce *thanks for being sarcastic at times which helped me laugh at ME*
27. Jessica *thanks for being the ever great friend that always sticked with me in church*
28. Kau Chek *for being another goofball that always laughed at my stupid jokes*
29. Ah Thong *for being a great friend in times of need*
30. Siew Pao * for being a sweet girl and sharing your life stories with me*
31. Joel *for randomly talking to me whenever i feel down*
32. Joel Ng *for talking to me even though u live far2 away*
33. Aaron *for disturbing me in your free time and saving me from boredom*
34. To the hundreds of millions of you out there that i can't name as i'm sleeping in front of the screen. i want to thank you all for playing a very significant part in my life even though it might be small. I LOVE U ALL =)

can't tahan already... sleeping in front of the screen. blog tomorrow. Nitez

YeS>>>>>>>>>>

2010-02-18T03:51:00.000-08:00

So finally Chinese New Year is ending. Not that its a good thing or anything...but i think i will greatly miss chinese new year since this would probably be the last new year everyone is here in malacca celebrating in each others company. Next year it would probably be with a batch of new friends and even the thought of it makes me sad. So, i'm kinda reminiscing about the past, wondering about the future and lingering in the present. I went out on Valentine's day with fifi and we hung around in jonker after watching a movie together. LOL. Then tuesday we went steamboat-ing with the whole gang of us and a few guys. It was fun and delish. Wednesday we went house visiting, me, Adrianna and Clara and Fifi... We also had brunch in Old Town Malim then went over to lano's house to pick her up. Since it was also Ash Wednesday yesterday, me and Clara went to church while the rest hung around at Popular. LOL. Then we went straight to over Kau Chek's house in ujong pasir where we met KC, xing yu, Aaron, and bee ling which then we went to dinner. Wow.. It took me some time to remember. It was a tiring day yesterday but still it was worth all the fun and the MONEY i spent. LOL... Currently in love with a korean drama called ShINING INHERITANCE. I think most people have seen it. The story is really meaningful and interesting

fantabulous cast =)

I'm also including a few silly pictures from our outing... LOL

lol... so all well ends well =)..

will report next time...adios...

BlOg pOsTiNg...

2010-02-10T02:12:00.000-08:00

Gosh...I'm bored as hell these days...Veronica called me today asking me whether i need a job next month. I don't really mind but the pay is kind of sucky. I think if i accept it,the pay would be around RM1000 bucks per month meaning...*click click... push presss calculator* an average of RM3.00 bucks per hour? i don't think that is worth the long hours and the horrid customers who just push your things around and walks away.*if i take the job i'm not saying where i'm working just in case people deliberately come to my shop to push my things around* So. I'm updating my blog because fifi forced me to do it. LOL. Friends get you moving huh? Seems pretty real in my case. Owh,the Genting trip was a success and we all came back in one piece and had lots of fun. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow if my dad gives me cash or i'll have to make do with a home hair cut done by yours truly which i can already predict will be a disaster. I want to dye my hair but bankruptcy can really kill you. Gosh. So, erm. pretty speechless now other than the fact that i'll be alone on my 18th valentine's day and bak kut teh has been on my mind a lot. So, i'll update when my life gets more interesting hopefully by next week. Adios

OUCH@@@@@@@@

2010-01-21T06:09:00.000-08:00

Heylo +)
Can't wait for the genting trip next thursday. Hoping everything goes as planned and i'll be back to get my motor license.....VROOOOOOOOOOOOM =).
So today i went for training in ijc. Wow...i really miss school life, the stupid talks we used to have and all the laughter. Makes me wanna shrink back into my uniform and plant myself in class. Then after fencing with wendy i had a blue black directly above my chest. hehehe=) it looks obscene too. i can't really massage that area. After fencing, me, Taufik and wendy went to Mcd in Dataran Mall. We kinda stole her fries and bought ourselves some drinks. Saw norman today also, and it just so happens that we both are after the same job. I'm really hoping we are hired. Gosh. That would be awesome. GSC would be lucky people to have us. Because we are....erm....arm? ....HOT!!!!!!! LOL...So yeah. They should give thought about hiring us. Anyways, i'm kinda bankrupt and just waiting for everything to fall into place. Hoping that i get that job soon. By the way, the blue black hurts as hell. Owh, and i'll be going out on saturday night for a wedding and also sunday for Clara's birthday.......... WEeeee...No need to be stuck at home. Lol. Planning to go for Amigos and having a great meal. So tata for now. I'll post when i post.

FrEeeeeeddddddddddddddddom =)

2010-01-17T19:23:00.000-08:00

Right...so actually i'm writing this to dictate how boring my life is. hahaha. So her goes nothing.
My fencing training start already. Its not only grueling but it really tests my patience level to the max. Gosh. Imagine running non stop for half an hour then taking your pulse. Unbearable pain in my ankles and thighs. But its all in the aim of losing weight and getting a medal for malacca. I really hope i make it this time. Anyways, i went out with fifi last saturday and watched ju-on. Bloody darn farny. hahaha. i don't understand why they rated it 18SG at all. It was simply predictable and funny all the way. Everyone in the cinema was laughing their butts off. LOL. Then after the movie we met adrianna and clara and went to order a cake for her birthday which is on the 24th of this month. After that we bought some donuts and ate like pigs spilling chocolate and in fifi's case green tea concoction on ourselves. LMAO. Okay. Then we said our goodbyes to adrianna and clara which we are going to meet back on the 24th for a party in AMIGOS. I'm also looking forward to going to genting soon. Yahooo...can't wait. Too exciting for me. HAHA. I've been wanting to go there since the first time i've been there. Lol. So its kind of an addiction. Besides that, I also found a new few nice people in the fencing club. Taufik, Nik and Wendy. Hmmm.. These 3 are really awesome people. No regrets knowing them at all.

Till the next time.* Which will probably be at the end of the week*
tata =)

oH lIfE........

2009-12-30T20:30:00.000-08:00

Note to self *Don't go around reading other people's blogs and then get depression*
OKay.... I know I know... I happen to have very POPULAR friends who HAPPEN to lead very exciting lives while i HAPPEN to lead a VEry VERy DULL and boring one. So when i HAPPEN to read their blogs I HAPPEN to face depression because they HAPPEN to have all the fun while i HAPPEN to be bored to the max. Enough of HAPPENING? hmm... lol. So today i'm guessing i'm going to be stuck at home also. Because my aunt JUST SO HAPPEN *oops..pardone mua* to have some errands to run. I am just fine. GOing to be back soon and going to recover. Gah. We'll see, We'll wait and see what life has in store for me....iT wants to make me go.. Owh life....

DaY oF rOTtING

2009-12-29T00:30:00.000-08:00

All righty then,
To get the ball rolling i would like to document what i did today...
Hmmm....lets see, I did precisely NOTHING.... I hung around the tv from 11 in the morning to about like hmm.. NOW...Now i'm hanging around the computer. I dare say if i go on like this I'm going to end up being a fat pig. Well my aunt and uncle have been running around the whole morning doing job related stuff which doesn't interest me of course. For your information. KL isn't my turf i'm just stuck at home barred by a few padlocks and the door the size of the Great Wall itself for fear of being kidnapped. Lol. Overprotective you think? You should see their faces when i just took out my handphone in public.. They looked as though somebody just stuffed a C4 bomb in my mouth or something. A shame. I should have reacted quickly to snap a picture of the scene itself. I guess its for my own good but i can't help thinking that even though i don't take my handphone out that the snatch thief or robber would be smart enough to stick his hands in my handbag or pocket. After all we do name them pickpockets and snatch thieves for a reason. Anyways my aunt promised if she could come home early enough she would take us out for shopping or more accurately window shopping in Sungai Wang Plaza. (River of Money Plaza).
So...If all is well i hope today's end is well. And yes. I forgot. I'm going to get a pair of jeans and a jeans skirt if i'm lucky today.Missing home badly although all my house chores await.

Then. i'd better sign off now. LOL. Will be updating later. If i can get the computer. Adios blog

PoSt ChRiStMaS BlUeS ....

2009-12-28T01:19:00.000-08:00

Right now i'm in kl.

Spent the last 4 days in Ipoh at a relatives place. Currently dying to get back to malacca ASAP because i have soooooooooo much unfinished business... ARGGGH. NEEDDDDDDDDDDD A BREAKKKK!!!!!!!!

So. I'm hoping to get a job with gsc.but BODY GLOVE gave me a call instead. Going in for an interview as soon as I'm back in malacca. Feeling a little tired and moody lately. Probably from travelling a lot. Training also begins and i have to face a whole lot of people i'm not comfortable with. Although we may be playing for the same side but i still feel very left out.I really do hope everything goes smoothly this year and i won't feel uneasy anymore. Really hoping to bring something back for malacca state too. A job which suits my time frame so that it is in synch with my training schedule is also really really appreciated. Anyone reading this and can suggest a place where i can get a part-time job please please contact me. Flexible working hours is really really a MUST.

So far my trip has had its ups and downs. Feeling better though but hate to be stuck here in someone's elsez house though. JPJ test coming soon also. NEed to pass that urgently and so goes with my motor license. GOsh. SSSSSSOOOOO many things coming up. GOD please help me...

Will update as soon as i get my hands on a computer. Lol...

Amen =)

So...

2009-12-21T04:55:00.000-08:00

Well...today my post title is So.... lol..
It probably fits the description of what happened to me today.
Today was my pretest for car. A pretty terrified me walked in the room to find a whole load of pro's already seated. I saw the pak cik in charge and noticed his warm smile that i did not really feel afraid anymore.Okay enough of crap said, so next was my naik bukit event. Lol. This was funny.... I could made it till the top then handbrake and blah blah... All was good. The real event was going downhill. My engine died around 4 times and my car reversed. GAGAL. Shit...thats all i need. So next was begging the guy. Apparently the nasty crook had a soft spot for girls and ended up giving me a second try. YAHOO... There were a few unknown people rooting for me too. All of them stood downhill and gave me support. So i managed to pass the hill...Wee...Parking, 3 point turn and road was a breeze. But the pak cik that saved me from failing is to be knighted. *he saved the princess.. (me)* lol. Thank god. His words were... "so, lulus la" which sums my title. And i want to thank the whole load of random people who also supported him to pass me although i don't really know who they are. Tomorrow going up kl... HAven't packed a thing yet. Must Must Pack now... lol...gotta go... kudos people =)
Adios frm me!

FED up...

2009-12-20T03:02:00.000-08:00

I'm just fed up of life..
I wanna be employed. I wanna find a job.
I don't want to be left out anymore. Damn me. Damn myself.
I wish it would just stop. This loneliness this boredom this feeling of discomfort of being at home.
I think it needs to stop now... And. I wish my friends wouldn't lie to me.
Thats all.

jUsT sIcK...

2009-12-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

Well hello folks...
Today was an undoubtedly annoying, sickening and most most most of all BORING day.
I'm taking driving lessons at zapcity and proud to say...i'm at my sixth lesson already? amazing huh? time flies. *and so does my little kancil with my foot on the oil pedal* =).
So this van is supposed to pick me up outside my taman at 2pm.My lesson starts at 2.30pm. So i waited, ignorantly, obtusely and stupidly waited for the non-appearing van to magically appear. Then after 20 minutes i got sick of waiting and called the driving centre. The lady was equally dumb and asked me a few basic questions like did i book earlier and etc. etc. WHICH I DID. So she called the van driver and after a whole load of phone calls and misunderstandings i got to the centre at 3.00 pm, meaning i waited a whole damn hour for the van. I must have gotten quite a tan after all. *like i'm not black enough*. My instructor was also pissed off and we complained to the counter lady which of course only responded with...uhms and ahms. *Like she cared if we complained, she's still getting paid*. So my instructor took a very very angry me driving and ironically this was my best performance. He took note that i seem to drive better when i was angry. Lol. Anyways i rescheduled all my motor lessons to january so i can focus on getting my car license first. Unexpectedly i met a few of my friends at the centre itself. A surprising but delighting reunion. I haven't seen any of them in ages due to SPM. So we chatted and i ended up getting in the same van with my buddy and like around 10 other people. It was a squeeze in that tiny van. The thing is the driver was still outside when the van started going backwards. The darn handbrake wasn't working and a whole load of panicked people was screaming at the confused boy in the passenger seat in front. "TARIK HANDBRAKE!!!!" the interesting part was he did not know which was the handbrake and surprisingly everyone was laughing hysterically. I was the sudden pro in car-driving as none in the van had driven any vehicle before. So i yelled at the kid telling him to pull the stick behind the gear box. He obeyed and walah....I lived to tell the tale. Anyways, after ending up right smack in the middle of the road the driver came back after his chit-chat and casually drove. The whole bunch of van people were still in stitches after the incident. Then, the van started to get cranky. Then engine would just die off when it was climbing a hill or something and the driver would start to grunt and mumbler something inaudible much to our frustration. It died exactly 6 times before i got home. Thank god i did get home in one piece. Okay... so that was it. I laughed a lot today mostly because of boredom. Anyways, tomorrow i was supposed to go swimming with yeh yee. But she cancelled so i'm going to jonker street alone. YES. All by myself. So. Its going to be boring but i think i'll live. Rather than being home i'd rather be out watching people. So i guess i'll be updating tomorrow.
Adios.

Thanks for reading =)

HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =)

2009-12-17T03:57:00.000-08:00

Hello world =)
I'm Backkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Feeling awesome and superb after finishing 11 years of schooling!
woooooooohoooooooooooo.
Lol....so.... Now i'm gonna focus myself on driving...eating..sleeping...fencing and life
I can get my life back now..
Haihhh...but gonna miss my friends a whole load. Its going to feel odd when you see your friends everyday and then WALAH....suddenly your stuck at home alone. NOT FUN. Yeah...you get comforted when they say. "still can meet up." "don't worry... can go out gai2"
but...its not the same feeling when you go to school everyday like a routine and meet them. hmm...
But i guess life is about moving on! I really do hope i get good results and get a scholarship. I'm seriously seriously SERIOUSLY hoping i make it. Law is the only thing on my mind. So i'm gonna focus on that. Getting kinda excited about my next stage in life too ; uni life !
Besides all the horrendous assignments, dozens of tests and quizzes. I'm hoping to enjoy some freedom too. Lol...besides.. i don't have to wear the same school uniform any longer. FREEDOM OF CLOTHING.
So...i've nothing more to type. Hoping to be back tomorrow for an update =)
hehe...
kudos people... thx for reading~

ps...must watch this video....cute kid. made my day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4

HoLs...

2009-09-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

so its kinda been ages since i've been here blogging.
exams, trials and all sorts of new stuff have been *sweeping me off my feet* so to say.
suffer man. lols.
anyways i'm back. last saturday me and the gang had a blast in makhota. celebrating my friend's bday. it was after the exams and was also a tension relief trip =)
here are some pictures

okay...this was so totally forced =)
another case of being tortured by the dutiful camera person =)

groupie with the gang =)... *was stared pizza hut people*

another picture... *check out the posers behind*

hehe...the birthday gurl stuffing her face with pizza
*can't blame her..it was truly irresistible*

so tada !....the extremely awesome cake...lols
i was thankful we managed to grab the cake.
gosh..last minute planning results in a cake. god must have favoured me that day =)

so....that was about it. we ate, had fun, sang a birthday song, talked alot, laughed..it was a beautiful day. then we went for the movies. final destination.ironically, that was the final destination for the day =).Had to fight quite a war with the stupid ticket man though. Just for the movies. The things i do. haiih..lols. 18SG doesn't live up to its rating though. its the usual gore you would get in normal kid rated movies anyway. But we got in fine and finished the movie and pranced off much to the fury of the ticket man =0. Hope we won't be seeing him again anytime soon. ROFL. its late now and i got to go. Will be updating in the coming days. TTFN

EsSe QuAm ViDeRi

2009-06-11T00:59:00.000-07:00

firstly i'd better explain my title. its actually latin... it means *to be rather than to seem*
i know it is rather confusing but it seriously describes me as a person. I am something rather than what i seem. lols? still don't get it. Try to ponder for a moment and then you will understand.
i'm planning to kill somebody for this...hahaha.
someone is always pestering me to update my long dead blog.
actually i like blogging. BUT....BUT...i just can't seem to type anything but a whole lot of crap. *which is exactly what i'm doing now*
okay...proceeding to explain my title. i'm a big fan of latin and also latin scriptures. Call me crazy but later on in my life i'm actually determined to take up symbology and study latin symbols and scriptures. *from someone who can't even spell english words properly =.=* well....proceeding about my life today, yesterday, day before yesterday and the whole week before =). I actually took the liberty of restraining myself from blogging to see how long i could last...apparently i could last for a long time.
anyways... i've actually found a new friend through my war with another. it is kind of surprising how god works? sometimes he leaves me clueless. I don't understand how i could have gotten close to a person so quickly and hate some one i've liked for so long. Is it so evident that my relationship with her was a failing one from the start? well i suppose so. But i'll try my best to fix it though.
Hmm..besides that, my addiction to classical music is becoming. I have no idea how to fix that. i'm actually like a trying my best to stop myself from being absorbed into a realm which isn't mine. haha...
by the way. I have also learnt how to fix toilet flushes? hahaha...weird huh? i was fiddling with the stupid flush dat day when my bracelet got stuck to the flush. hahaha...okay..den me being as violent as i am pulled my hand away so violently that the flush broke BROKE...believe me..
i very *truthfully* told my dad nothing happened and tried to glue the handle back on =)...
next move... i very skillfully locked up the toilet *saying all the while that it got locked from the inside*
then i tortured my devious brother to bring me to the hardware shop. i entered a little confused on what i was looking for. My conversation with the chinese dealer goes as follows.

sl - ahem...*clears throat*
chinese shop owner ( balding, singlet, in his fifties)
cso - ya..apa mau? *thinking i'm malay of course...i'm extremely dark skinned*
sl - *rolls eyes..annoyed as usual* wo yao...
cso - ah??! *obviously shocked at the chinese speaking malay* u bole cakap cina ka??
sl - uncle...wo shi hua ren la... (=.=lll)
(the rest of the conversation was in chinese..so i'll translate it)
cso - oo.... okay... so what u finding?
sl - uncle.. u got sell any toilet flush handle ah? *idk what that plastic thing is called*
cso - toilet flush handle...hmmm...wait ah girl...
(goes behind the shop there and starts diggin for something and appears with some weird looking plastic that does nt look like a handle at all)
cso - this one ah? *he asks pointing to that thing*
sl - errr....hehe.. >.< ...no la uncle... its the one u tarik after going pee pee one? u know..the white thing with the string.
cso - *mutters under breath but with a spark of acknowledgement* kk...wait... i think i know.
sl - *smiles*
(proceeds to the back of the shop again and digs in his treasure box)
i wander about the shop and actually find a whole lot of useful items...cool shop..maybe i can shop here sometime. *although the place is pretty rattly and old, i'll give the old man credit for lasting in this cutthroat world*
cso - *appears triumphant with my flush handle* this one??
sl - yaya....*welcomes him with the same enthusiasm*
cso - okay okay.... this one veli cheap one. aiya. girl..why no early early say one.
sl - sorry ah uncle. i also dunno what that thing call ma. *my chinese is terrible =)*
so i thanked the old man and paid....
after entering the toilet again prepared with tools and all sorts of stuff i began to repair the toilet flush handle =). *also with a version of ...... FOR DUMMIES BOOK* and it actually worked.
i repaired a toilet handle in 2 and a half hours without any LIVE professional help...hahahahaha... okay....enough of my embarrasing moments....
anyone who reads this will probably be laughing.
but hey...ask yourself this. can you repair a toilet? hah...not waiting for an answer.

i'll be back next time for more blogging. toodles =)

tHe ReTuRn Of Sl=)

2009-05-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

howdy folks....
its the hols now...at least i have something to smile about =)

okay okay....so it was like superbly ages and ages and ages before exam when i went to jonker so i might as well update dat part now.

one fine day( hanging around in school grounds after school hours)
(me....muttering and crashing myself against the pillars due to boredom...)
lano= what doing? sl ah...
*oblivious of her...still knocking my head*

(fifi appears)

fifi= da shen ma shi? siao ah?
lano= bu thong *shrugs*
me=i wan go jonker =)
lano and fifi= hah?? yao kao shi liao....still go jonker? ....guaranteed mad...
me= i still wan go jonker. never been there for....erm..7 years (shame)
lano=yea la yea la...we go la...go dere mai shen ma?
fifi=haih...we go yam cha la.....
me=anything as long my foot got step in jonker. den puas *grinning from ear to ear*
lano=saturday can?
fifi=okay lo...sui pien.
me=can can can can...
lano=okay lo...saturday night...
*conversation ended after i saw my bus mate leaving me*

later on that week i was too hyper and could not be bothered to even do my homework much to my dad's distress. i was actually wanting to buy something stupid.
(little carry pouch =) so girl ryte? tell me abt it.
anyways. we made it to jonker safely in one piece and i pranced around in a trance.

fifi arrived late.
so it was me lano and her lil sis...joy
we hawker shopped and looked around till our eyes were sore.
i bought all the *telephone wires* and my carry pouch.
after fifi and joey *lano's dan2's sis* arrived, we decided to plant our butts in a cafe of some sort.
i was starving and broke so i had to treat myself with something not so extravagant as i had in mind earlier.
so since i was free i had some time to snap pics of us.

three syok sendiri ppl=)

well...that abt concludes everything abt that day...
i went home pretty high and stuff =)...lols
i'll be back tomorrow for another update..tata

~jUsT aNoThEr DaY~

2009-04-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone....
well,i'm back once again to fulfill my destiny of blogging.Hahaha...yeap...sounds a little crappy but who cares anyway??

ok.. so today was an average day.
filled as usual with every possible emotion mixed together...
laughter, sleepiness, life, homework and well...more homework! lols
me and yy as usual was the victims of our own laughter....hahahaha..
we met nelson today and had our dose of torture and fun.
it was fun meeting up with him after so long. It has seriously been ages since i last met him. Anyways after that we had fencing. Bullied sir positively in every aspect *not acknowledging that he had bad ache*. After that Mr.Rengga's tuiton. I think today he broke the record of calling people. He called my names 7 freaking times. lEt me spell it out to you. S..E..V..E..N..Well as usual lyy had a blast laughing each time my name was called and i on the other hand found it hard to survive in his class as i was not allowed even a single moment of rest. *ALERT!! HE'S CALLING UR NAME IN...5-4-3-2-1. CHU! FOKUS SIKIT* haizz.... therefore.i would conclude today was a stressful day indeed. Anyways, I'm going to jonker tomorrow with fifi and lano. Need to do some borong tomorrow. Everyone wants telephone wires. Gosh!. hahaha...ok..gonna report what happened tomorrow. Dada people. The bed looks comfy and my eyelids are drooping *i look like a bigger version of garfield*. No more dark circles for me! BB....

ReDeMpTiOn

2009-04-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

aloha folks...
well...i suppose my post better fit its title.
i wrote this story for a competition actually.
not hoping for anything because i know its not that good.
on the scale of 10 i would only give it a 4.
but i'm gonna post it here anyways for you guys to read.
please leave comments yes?
thx ppl....

Redemption

I walked past the dark alley with the revolver in my hand, my finger on the

trigger. I scoured the area for my victim and I saw the coward slouched in a

corner of the street by the trash can. I walked slowly and deliberately admiring

my gun as I walked towards the trembling figure. As I stood before him and

looked him in the eye, I saw what I was looking for : fear, anxiety and dread. I

shot the young lad between his eyes and watched the blood ooze from the hole I

made with my .85 caliber. I stood there for awhile almost admiring my perfect

murder and left as soon as I disposed the body. I did not feel any remorse. I felt

no guilt. A simple job requirement of being a hired killer was to never feel

guilty and I was good at my job. I was a mean killing machine. I cancelled the

273^rd name from my trusty notebook as I made my way back to my apartment

with an empty mind and soul.

“Nigel! Wake up!” yelled Susie.

I tossed in bed one more time and obediently got up. I loathed each morning

and dreaded waking up to face the light of day. I was a murderer, a monster, a

sinner and each time I opened my eyes someone closed theirs. I grabbed the

grubby note book and scanned my next target, number 274 was next on my list.

God forbid, I cursed beneath my breath, another family man. I threw the accursed

book on the bed and literally dragged myself downstairs. Susie sat there on the

sofa her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement of my presence. I ignored her and

headed for the kitchen instead. It was unkempt and half my groceries were scattered

across the kitchen counter but as usual, I did not care. I sat down munching

something I hardly tasted, my thoughts somewhere else. Then I saw Susie leaning

on the kitchen door her hands folded as she gazed at me.

“What?” I questioned lazily.

“You don’t seem yourself these days,” she replied, her eyes assessing my emotions.

“ I don’t feel like me either,” I mumbled running my fingers through my hair.

“Well, you’d better be getting ready for your next hit,” she countered and threw

a stack of papers on the kitchen counter. She looked at me for a bit and said

something surprising. “I really hope this would be your last,”

I was taken aback. Susie had just asked me to stop, something no one had ever

told me before. I was more than pleased; I even felt hope, a feeling I had not

experienced for a long long time. Too long. I closed my eyes and memories of

the past flooded my mind.

A young boy stood there watching his mother setting the table. His smile was

bright and innocent. Then his father came in with his elder sister. His father

scooped him up in his arms and tickled him in the tummy as he lapsed into

helpless giggles. The mother and the little girl laughed. A simple promise of what

could be. A beautiful family. Then I pressed my eyes shut again. My fingers

gripped the table hanging on for support. It was happening again. The doors

burst open and three armed man stomped in. The father shielded his family as

the mother whispered soothing words to her trembling children. The three masked

men walked closer aiming their weapons directly at the father’s chest. He

glanced at his children in desperation then a shot was fired. The woman went

hysterical watching her husband collapse before her very eyes but she clutched

onto her children with maternal instinct . She hid her whimpering children behind

her skirt and ordered them to run. The little girl swiftly took her brother’s hand

and ran. Then a gunshot was heard again. The little boy wanted to run back but

his sister stopped him and they hid in the closet of the master bedroom. They

found the children soon enough and the little girl was brutally dragged and shot

in the head. The young boy was silent; he was cold as ice when the men

dragged him out. Just as they were about to shoot him, a young lady stopped

them. She pulled the boy and examined him. The young boy focussed on the

lady’s large scorpion tattoo on her right arm. She whispered something to the men

in a foreign language and they grunted in reply. The boy was led by hand, and

was raised to be the best killer there was. He was a hired assassin. He was me.

I left early that afternoon to finish my assignment. I was to finish Mr. Raquel, a

hardcore criminal from Russia. I knew exactly where he was. An enormous

building loomed before me somewhat dark and creepy. I stood there

contemplating whether it was safe for me to enter. On second thought, who

cared? I thought as I walked past the large door of the pub. I looked around the

crowded place which was practically bursting with people and scanned the area

for my victim. Ah, there he was, I heaved, spotting Raquel who was a balding

man with a stern mouth and shifty eyes. It was an easy job. I squeezed the gun in

my pocket trying to muster all my courage. It was my last job, I was going to

stop after this. But before I could make a move, I saw her. The woman who

destroyed me, made me who I was. She was older now but I recognized her

immediately by the big scorpion tattoo on her arm. My blood boiled at the sight

of her. She made me the person I was today. Suddenly, some unseen force

surged through me and I walked towards her my mind blank, my hand yanking

at my revolver. When I finally stood before her, she turned in my direction, and

my gun was held directly to her forehead. A look of horror ran through her eyes.

Then, BANG! I felt lightheaded. She dropped off from her chair her eyes still

wide open. Everyone else was screaming and running out of the place. But I

stood there looking at the body. I felt demented but free at the same time.

Relieved of all my troubles and worries. I sat down right in the middle of chaos

feeling pleased.

When the police finally came to take me away, I went willingly with them. I

confessed to all my murders. Ironically, I could smile again. Susie came trying to

save me from my own insanity. I was going to be put to death but it did not

matter anymore. I calmed her down and hugged her tightly. She cried with all

her might, I could see that and held her tighter still. But Susie whispered

something in my ear before leaving me, four words that I have been wanting to

hear for 20 years. “You are free now.” I shut my eyes and enjoyed the moment.

I knew now I had found the best thing in my life-hope and freedom.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
~seneca~
maybe there is some truth in his words...

bAcK fRoM uNdErLaNd

2009-03-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

hello...to all the inhabitors of planet earth,
i've just returned from the underworld!
a place full of exams, more exams, Teachers with tons of homework and all the other tortures u can endure.
anyways, i'm going on a trip to taylors tomorrow.
sort of a stress relief trip to release all my pent up tension in times square. lols
will do me some good and avoid any more hair loss from my already bald head.
Gosh...i just realised. It has been ages since i've actually blogged. lols.
btw...i'm seriously in love with jai ho from A.R Rahman..
a beautiful indian song director, singer, composer, writer. He is a legend and deserves all the credit he can get.
Man...an extremely uplifting and joyous song. Never should be missed.
Gotta run though. Tuiton calls. Wish me luck. Will blog soon. Dada!

my truly weird weird love story!

2009-01-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

presenting me..lols..back in action again!
okay so this is the year of the ox or well easily put the year of the cow!
so i'm going to start afresh, you know all niuuuuuuuuuu.
been smiling alot recently so i think its enough to cause brain damage to most people! (especially when i smile at them without proper reason) lol.
well, let me cut the crap and get to the point.
i think i'm headlessly (???) hopelessly in love with somebody.
okay, well since this is my blog i might as well tell u guys the whole story in full.

here it goes..
so there is this guy who well, likes my friend a lot, i mean REALLY LOT! (the bad part is she does not exactly give a crap about him..period)
so whenever he messages her she does not reply him at all. (i pity the guy)
okay..so this is where the plot thickens.
since i was well bored most of the time i replied all his messages for her and this is where i fell in love with him.
without doubt i fell idiotically in love him knowing that he was in love with my friend. So i still sms him as my friend as when i sms him as my self he barely speaks to me for 5 minutes.
But weirdly so i do speak to him in my style as my friend and he can talk to me for hours.
So technically speaking he actually loves my friend on the outside but me on the inside (BAH...like i got a chance)
Haizz...this guy is actually quite innocent and it was real shocking for me to find out i was in love with him.
OKay...Okaaaay..everyone is going to give me a lecture on my silliness and for lying.
But i really can't live without talking to him and i will talk to him any way i possibly can even as my friend. Sobs.
I don't know how the heart works but it is the weirdest organ in my body!. gosh.
okay..this is really embarassing but who cares i'm going to share it anyways.

(the moment i knew i was in love with him was when he said he loved the LOTR trilogy)

all right! I SAID IT...I FINALLY ADMITTED IT!
LOLS... okay. ITs pretty dumb to like a guy because he likes a trilogy.
BUt it just happened. Ths sparks flew once i heard that he liked the trilogy and at that moment i knew i was in love! HAaha...
It just happens that i have a million and one similarities with this guy and i have absolutely no idea why and it is just regretful that i am not my friend.
Maybe it is just plain luck that i keep falling head over heels with the wrong guy.

And this is no joke!, this guy is really different from what i am and to tell you the truth it is almost like the sky and earth meeting for the first time or curry meeting soup!. sobs.

I'm loud, noisy boisterous, funny, confident *not so true at times*
well, he is quiet, sweet, invisible *almost, except to me la* and definitely not confident but he is something i've been looking for all my life ; the little sentiments we share (as my friend of course), the sweet words he mouths (to my friend of course...) and the similarities we seem to have (which he thinks it is my friend)!!!!!!!! this is really really frustrating.

i think that about concludes my love story until i have the guts to come forward and reveal to the poor innocent guy that the girl he likes is not what he think she is. sobs.... (WHICH I WONT HAVE)

well...that sorta finishes my story for now...update u guys later k?? lols

truly truly urs,
~sl~
(p.s - if any teacher reads this then have fun enjoying my lame love story)

YeAr oF hElL!

2009-01-03T03:28:00.000-08:00

me and my aunt in ipoh!
(l-r)

well...aloha people..i'm back in action!...
actually i'm back in school. Something i don't really fancy. gosh
i can't believe school just starts so fast!. Extremely shocking though.
Haizzz.... anyways i've been all over the place and perhaps its just time i get back to reality.
i've been to ipoh, penang, kl and a whole load of other little places.
i just got a new nephew and looking forward to watching him grow. he is absolutely adorable and i adore him.
i'm more or less afraid of spm now and trying to conquer my fear seems practically impossible!
i seem more and more afraid as time passes. i guess its just cold feet. I'm not exactly brilliant or bright but i think i can do well if i set my heart to it.
then there are the things that happen to me which just make me lose all my hope and push me into depression. haizz...
i don't really like the whole world to know it but it has been a depressing season lately and frankly i'm sick of it.
i've taken up narcissism as a legal hobby.trying to be a little amicable but not going to change.
its fun being a narcissist. all u got to do is worship yourself.
what if people don't think ur good enough. its what i think that matters..lols..
perhaps i should have a brain explosive epiphany or something to get me outta this mess but that is likely impossible. lols
anyways. i'm looking forward to seeing my friends again and having all those good moments.
it's my last year in school and i am MOST DEFINITELY NOT looking forward to leaving school.
i mean i enjoy not going to school but being out of school is a different thing altogether. i mean, no more good friends and exposure to the REAL cut throat world. its not exactly my cup of tea but i guess that is what it means to be an adult.
havent been active in the love department lately (excluding the FOOD LOVE..=)..
just everyone i've ever taken the time to know or want to know doesn't seem worth knowing after all.
its just not working for me. well i guess if i wait for my turn to come then it should be all right.
i'll get my day. proceeding, heart break has taken over me, not in love department but betrayal to be exact.
the person i trust with my life back stabbed me and still denies it vehemently. i would not be so mad if she actually admitted to it but denying it just makes things worst.Life goes on. i really hope I'll get a scholarship and get the hell out of Malaysia as soon as possible. i wanna make it big and i'm not going to be modest about my career. i have always wanted something big in my life and i have decided it's going to be my career which is about to be a large part of my life. i'm going to take law and minor in mass communication. it is decided. well. i guess i better start slaving my butt of then. Or the scholarship is outta the list.

gotta go now....
cya when i blog again.
~sL~

LiFe On ThE eQuAtOr!

2008-12-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

Ahem… well here I am again with my but propped on the sofa and with my lovely laptop accompanying me on my journey to boredom.
It’s not as though I haven’t tried not to come out from the journey but I seemed to get sucked into it anytime I’m left alone with nothing possibly idiotic to do.
Ok…let us start with some things I have ACTUALLY done today namely eating,sleeping talking to myself and crapping…hmmm…okay =) that is not bad compared to somedays when I don’t even move an inch.
Its December 1st today and its getting closer to school reopening..GOSH!!.. everything moves so fast nowadays especially time…anyways..i never really studied as my physics teacher advised us to…lols…how could I when i’m enjoying myself talking to myself??
Well moving on… I was actually supposed to go for a swim in my aunty’s apartment’s pool BUT I decided that my fat butt was suffering from LAZY-ASS-SYNDROME (LAS). It is pretty common nowadays but its getting to me quite often now…I’m home watching tv and the computer.well astro is somewhat boring nowadays as they are no exciting shows to watch anymore… the same damn thing repeats over and over and OVER again giving me gigantic headaches… continuing… later on I’m supposed to go to the gym with my aunt…lols..wakakakakaka (imagine me in the gym with 4 or 5 hot smoking sweaty guys working their cute butts off) I definitely love working out and also checking out…(-.-) my aunt pretty much lives in the middle of kl town so I have a pretty good view of the mega land wasters in the middle of town (kl tower) and those twin corn stalks (klcc) furthermore I get to walk around town wasting my time which rarely happens as my aunt’s well, err… a little overprotective of me (p.s- ur not my kid! What would your dad say when he finds out you got kidnapped?? Huh??) not to be directly rude or anything but I don’t think my potential kidnappers are capable of kidnapping me…lols. If they do I would think they must carry me first (if they can..LMAO)
Aha….my aunt’s balcony also gives an excellent view of wildlife and nature…surprising huh? Well it was to me at first. (there is a spot of trees and animals right in the middle of kl city??? amazing!) imagine standing in the balcony looking at little cute squirrels and ferrets climbing trees while enjoying the chirping of humming birds and mynahs all while being surrounded by the sound of cars lorries and trucks…lols..imagine that..

Following up that her condo also has a superb pool which is not that bad technically speaking..yeah I mean I have seen better pools but it’s not so bad considering a few Caucasians come in to sun bathe sometimes..lols.. apart from that I’ve actually been wasting my life a whole lot more in this hols than I actually do during my schooling days..(that’s the whole damn point nutbrain!&*#$) okay..well I’ve also been stuffing my face with a lot of eatable stuff such as rice, curry, MORE CURRY, fish, chicken, vege…I mean not extravagant or anything but normal daily human food… well..i would like to list some things I would really love to eat…muahahaha…

1.roti canai (which I already have..YUMMY=)
2.fried Chinese style rice (long time since I have eaten this}
3.pancakes (well its not really usual for me to have a breakfast of pancakes or anything..plain weird)
4.naan bread (if possible cheese or butter naan)
5.western food.. (mind you..its been ages)
6.mutton soup..(I heard they serve a superbly great bowl of this delicacy here in…err..somewhere in kl!)
7.fried ice cream( although it may sound a little creapy but I never really tasted fried ice cream before)
8.spagetti (sorry for the spelling problem..my brain has finally rusted!..long time since I’ve seen this dish too)
9.big huge gigantic burgers (its totally delish..i mean giant hamburgers can practically fill me anytime of the day)
10.homecooked briani (not to be boasting or anything but my grandma makes a hell of a briani!)
11.white coffee (not one of those OLD TOWN coffees…they don’t really serve coffee [propaganda] they just wanna trick us into believing they do?? [huh?]) whatever…just a great old Chinese style white coffee.
11.cham (some of you guys may not heard of cham before but its actually a great drink on a hot humid day and can practically steal the thirst outta you [ cham= coffee + tea ] )
12.indian sweets (mainly ladoo and alva and and and… every damn thing they serve in the shops!)
13.tissue thosai (this is totally an eye catcher [ may even catch the eye of a potential hottie..lols] and tastes totally awesome too)
14.fried mee malay style (great great dish especially if the “mamak” making it for you is experienced)
15.char kuey teow (my favourite dish which I attack most of the time when I eat in Chinese stalls which sad to say is decreasing in quantity [on the plate] as we speak…sobs..T.T)
16.mee hoon kuey ( this is an awesome dish..totally in love with this especially with red hot cili padi)
17.nyonya kuih’s (omg..this I haven’t had in ages..i totally miss the days when I would go pasar malam scouting for an assembly of these fabulous kuehs)
18.tau fu fa ( ginger flavoured..lols..i just ate it that day and the cravings is back again)
19.pastries and cakes (gosh I miss pastries and cakes…I haven’t had them in light years)
20.a super humongous jug of creamy milk to finish all the food down with… wait wait… one more!
21.hehe..malaysians famous dish..can’t live without it (if you live too long eating it…you ain’t gonna live long??[cholesterol problem, high blood pressure,obesity, lazy-ass-syndrome (LAS), short term memory loss (STML), laughing sickness..etc etc]so avoid eating it too often) NASI KANDAR!!!

Well..soo much for my never ending list of never ending delicious food for my never ending appetite..
I hope this read has been an interesting one coz my fingers are about to drop off and LAS is planning to strike again… lols..i got a new joke I invented..not toe sure whether it will create a laugh or not… but here goes..

THE JOKE
Peter just died and went to heaven for he was a good man all his days of life on earth. Once he was there he found St. Paul. St. Paul greeted Peter and took him into heaven’s gates. It was as beautiful as Peter imagined when he was alive. Peter walked to a magical vase that was supposed to grow healing flowers and he touched it. It was dusty.
Peter= why is the vase so dusty?
St. Paul= well Peter, it’s been ages since we’ve received a soul in heaven and this place is getting kinda dusty and not to mention empty nowadays!
Peter= well, is there anyplace not as dusty or as empty as this?
St. Paul= There is a place in a few floors below that is as shiny as a diamond and is full of people.I can clearly assure you that it is not at all dusty because the management have to keep it clean as they keep receiving the soul of everyone that dies. Well, the residents there will have to bear the heat though mostly caused by the ruined air conditioning system.
Holy dAmn technology! Always causing problems to we folks here.
Peter= Technology killed me too. I stuck my head into the air conditioner and got killed. Pretty awful huh?
St. Paul= I guess we’d better start cleaning up this place then in case anymore air conditioning guys die or the big boss will positively explode.
Peter= allrighty then, lets get started Paul. Hurrah to air conditioning!

Its pretty lame on a first trial basis but I’ll work harder… cheerio people. I’ll be back!

buzzzzzzzzzzz..

2008-11-09T01:18:00.000-08:00

allright...again the holidays are around the corner..its not that i am not happy or just jabbering my ass off complaining..i'm not..its just that this holiday everyone is hoping i will study..GOSH!!...for my own good..duh..obviously..BUT..i just cant delete the fact that its still a holiday...GOSH...holidays are supposed to be for enjoyment,book throwing,smiling,walking around the whole day doing nothing, talking, laughing,and things that don't require fact analysing..shesh..okok..i shall cut the crap and start talking abt stuff that are important..

2009 aims...must happen!!

first things first..
1. next year target to get all A1 in my spm...die die also must get..*have too* life or death matter
2. get a JPA or watever scholarship to study law or journalism...*pls god help me*
3. dissapear from Malaysia A.S.A.P... not many options of life here..
4.get a guy to actually like me..*nt dat now dun have*...a kind that i will love and cherish..
5.trying to migrate to london..hopeful
6.get a new digital camera..*old one kaput already lar*
7. grow my hair back...its edges are a little cracky...and and..i dun wan white hair..
8. pray all the people i love and hate will love and hate me back..
9.arrange my life in a better and healthier perspective...
10. finish my long and endearing novel..gosh knows how long it took me to finish chapter 6
11.upgrade my phone card...2 gig will do lar..
12. get to make people happy more often..
13. the school discipline teachers or watever people will leave me alone since i DID NOT AND WILL NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG
14. grow thinner so i can fit in clothes...shopping is easier when u are thing..*trust me i know*
15.my brain must be more positive as i am as a person...i really am positive for all i know..weird..just that my brain gets driven into negative zone too often!
16.must get new clothes...nt to mention jewellery,shoes,caps...etc..etc...
17. earn respect from the people i lost respect to... i must gain back my pride..*praying*
18.reduce the pimples on my face..gosh..i look like a pot-hole face creature..
19.maybe i need a communication upgrade with my family..the bonds are broken.. i need them to be tied again..
20. i wan a new school bag...i cant seem to clean my current one..
21. after spm i also need a job to support my financial ass...which in anyways spends too much money on unnecessary stuff...=)hopefully somewhere nearby
22.need my dad to reload my phone every month..at least rm30 lar..i need cash pAaaaaa!

i think dats it..will post again when i find anything else missing from my mission list 2009!
cya..chouz..

urs,
sl

pEoPlE aRoUnD mE =)

2008-09-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

allright...i am back..tada..=)..
ok..since you guys know me already i might as well tell you about the people that hang with me..yeah..they are normal people..from every single walk of life i can think of..the psycho the sicko..the nutty..the brainy,the foodie and god knows what else..ok..hopefully i don't leave out anyone...ok..first and foremost there are my close friends..quite a few..ok..here goes
1.yeh yee
2.wei chern
3.ming may
4.bee ling
5.li-myn
6.elaine
7.shih ping
8.huay ing
9.yen ling
10.xing yu
(gonna name u guys like horses below..eg..no.1)lols
ok...this are the few or the many i hang with most of the time..below is the photograph with the majority of them in it..

no.1
ok...first subject...hmm..what can i say..she has been my friend for err...
10 years now..in the long run yeah we fight alot..but she is my friend and nothing will ever change that..she is a great gal and she smiles alot..erm..she smiles without reason i suppose..drives me nuts too..but i do that all the time too..perhaps we get along well because we fight alot...funny?? who cares..the world is..lols..fRieNds 4eVa!

no.2
okay..case 2..really..this girl is the most annoying pest in my life..can't swat her like a fly can't kill her either but..i dare say she take the life outta me..if you ever have a friend like her be prepared to suffer..nO nO NO!..she doesn't talk a lot...her actual problem is she is too monotonous..ouch..getting her to smile annoys me at times..shesh..but i survived the 3 years together..i suppose i can live it out a little longer..=)

no.3
hmm..this girl..a self-proclaimed vampire after reading stephanie meyer's vampire series..(i am an apprentice too..hehe)most of the time with her books or she is running errands for people..a great helper..always helping us around with our book-carrying-job..has know no.2 for a long time and perhaps is the only one that can really communicate..hehe..nah..this miss.lovely laughs too loud at times and is just as crazy as i am..

no.4
aha...no.4 is an interesting subject..WORD OF CAUTION:THIS GIRL IS AMAZINGLY LOUD!! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE EARPLUGS!lols..she is my mum...erm..in a sorta weird way..she has well 16 adopted daughters..and god knows hw many sons...very tall and is most of the time screaming her favourite quote.."go die far far", "sueh heng",or "don't cia cia" *technicall it means quit lying*.. which i have adapted to..her add maths is great..well..at least she does it..hehe..always remembers everyone's bday..*shesh..tells me too..i have to buy present as well*..

no.5
when i just look at her face..the first impression i get is..huh??..
yea..cos well..most of the time..she either looks annoyed,outta place,high with some laughing gas,or just plain blank...loves laughing out loud and is as thin as a chopstick..she can eat anything she wants and never grows fat...*i envy her..bluek*..talking is kinda main priority..but when she is in a bad mood..*zoooooo00000000000000000M*...i'm outta here...avid book reader as well..

no.6
hah..this girl..i have recently discovered her interest in the "housewife" department...planning to get married as soon as possible..as you already guessed...most of the time love sick..*poor me*..hugs anyone abt her in thought of her 'dear' *haizz*..looks like a small bug to me...she walks in a peculiar way..i almost suspected she was a cartoon character or something when i first met her..she gets full very fast too..often drives us crazy with her psycho antics..with the very in trend -touch-the-brow-fringe- you can barely see her eyes..

no.7
har..this girl..not a lesbian as far as i know..but seems to like hugging everyone passionately..lols..i get hugged most of the time too..*y complain*..digs screaming at me or scolding me in her free time..great in biology..*saviour*..is good in all calculating subjects and -torture-sl- subjects..i am positive she can get a job anywhere..she also purres like a cat very well..*sometimes i am almost certain its a real cat somewhere..maybe she is catwoman..*..

no.8
aha...recently found good friend..she is very quiet first of all..
like a tai ka jie to us..*big sister*..most of the time she is finishing her homework with no.9 and then passing books to us for us to copy..is crazy at times and laughs at whatever i laugh at..*would she laugh if i laughed at her?? HAHAHA..*thinks i love to bully no.2 when its always the other way round..she is pretty thin and polite..try not to be noisy when she is around or face the consequences..*she is a good screamer when she wants too*

no.9
this is no.8's best friend..always hanging around together if no.9 is not on duty..rarely fights..*actually never*..peaceful person..
she says the weirdest things at the weirdest times and makes us all laugh till we're in stitches...lols..required the nickname 'fish' from me as she looks like one...high flyer in calculating subjects also.*envy..envy..*very dutiful and never bugs anyone or complain about anything...digs asking no.8 to scold me..*no reason whatsoever*

no.10
she sits in the far right of my class and i can hardly see her at all..when she laughs its loud allright..when she screams..FUH-YOH..*which rarely happens in anycase*..i love torturing her with nonsense questions which eventually leads up to a fight..hehehe..
always hanging around with no.6 and no.5 and making fun of each other..don't really know if there is anyone special in her life yet..*will report if i do*..great person to bully as she will laugh at practically anything you say..*believe me*..

below are a few snapshots of us in awkward poses..hehe..

teachers day..lols me being pinched..sobs..i love all of my friends..
i hold them dear in my heart...hehe..love u guys muaxx..
*this page is dedicated to all my friends,near or far, mentioned or not for making my life more colourful*
thx for being my friend..

~the life of a lame~

2008-09-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

this i post for a reason..
this is to show there is always someone who understands what you feel..
even though the rest of the world segregates you..
denies you for who you are..
judges you from what you look like..
looks down on you..
pities you..
you will get your day..
someday when the time is right..
just keep on smiling and keep your heads high..
this is for all the disabled..

The Life Of A Lame

Carrying my feet through the streets,
Stumbling as I make my way,
Watched silently by passer bys: I continue without shame,
My eyes hold the tears that want to flow,
The moist and shine can be seen,
But I walk on in despair,
Everywhere when I pass,
There is silence; almost like a mask,
It is as though I am different; odd,
I never chose my life they know,
Just a moment ago I felt I all alone,
I try my best to ignore,
They treat me with kindness; but almost surely in their eyes,
It shows that I am different; but not less wise,
Does my limping affect them or my crumpled arm cause their eyes soreness?
Do the life I lead causes them pain?
Am I a source of laughter?
I will never know.

Life is sometimes so bad,
It makes me so sad,
Is it a little too much to ask for a little humanity?
For people not to notice my lame leg solely?
I am just like what they are,
Only physically different so far,
I try to be strong,
I try to change the wrong,
But I know the path ahead is rough,
This makes me tough!
I will not let fear dampen my spirits,
I will not let anyone come in my way,
I will crawl through the rubble if there is no one there,
I will drag my leg along in wear,
But I will make it to the end; I promise,
And smile amongst others that laughed and fell,
Standing tall among them I will dwell.
.

~the end~

jUsT mE -.-

2008-09-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

allright...
this is my first blog post so i think you guys better get to know me first...
i am a normal,usual,typical kind of girl..(so says me)
i love eating,sleeping,laughing,poking fun and talking.
so...now i think you think i am the normal girl..
wellllllllllllll...you thought wrong..
i am no typical girl next door..
i am not sentimental..
i am not mental..
i don't take shit from people..
i don't like to discriminate people BUT.. under the circumstances of the beautiful country Malaysia..
i would gladly discriminate a particular race..
okay..lets get to the point of me creating a blog..
WE BEGIN...
first of all this blog is for me to spit out my ideas and thought and whatever i cant tell other people i know..
this blog is also for me to vent anger..(be careful..the computer is mightier than the pen!)
this blog is also for me to use not so proper english which i do most of the time...
this blog is a place for me to post my poems..which i do write most of my free time..
this blog is to let people know i am not always what i seem to be..
this blog is actually my diary..its just not pen and paper..and it lasts for me to laugh at it in the future..
this blog will also promise a section of foods which i fancy..and i will hopefully recommend restaurants and eateries which i think are interesting and worth trying..
and last but not least..i really do hope you guys out there find my blog worthy of your time..
and even if it doesn't impress...thanks for reading anyways..

owh..and lastly..the picture above is me..not some cut out from a magazine..which you've already guessed..hehe..

till next time..
chaozzzz =)